Thank you for everyone for very kind comments. I readed in journal every comment, they were beautiful, various and very touching. I dont know it made me feel better but yes I love sharing emotions, darkness of life and experiences- and sympathize together. Despite of dramas, here on dA its like a part of family for me. I like begin together in hard situation, it gives me warmth.

Im not perfect and super hero personaly, even as my family, friends, vets, animal lovers from societies and you said that choice was "the best" but for me I still feel really big hurt in my heart and spirit which is not healable. Its like a darkness covered me. I didnt spend Happy New year day well, even i was invited by my friends to cheer up but I was in too miserable mood so i cancelled. Its like I cant quit from this pain. They born in same day and left from world.

On lighter note, I wont call they "died" just were sent to the another world, afterlives. I must say what honestly I think, "death" can be really beautiful but we just fear of it because we dont know what is after life. Myself I cant wait to "die", im just curious what is in another side of world. What is feeling? The spirit is free? Can we feel, sense, see or hear it? (No, no of course absolutely i dont think about suicide! *rolleyes* ) I dont believe much in Heaven or Hell, but i do believe in nature rights and place whih is called to be Eden. Again, to answer the death is not absolutely evil, its just fear because our real spirits are sealed in bodies, we need to destroy our body to set our spirit free away (body is protected by nervs and thats why we feel pain and fear it keeps us inside in body) and in our minds we dont know what is afterlives.
I readed amazing book "Life After Life" which is bestseller and very good and true book- the did researches about life after death.. its very emotional book.

Thats reality of life. Indeed life can be really cruel but think a life with eternal hapiness without suffering would make a sense? If we feel misery, and a small good thing in this sorrow will make us happy. In eternal hapiness nothing else will make us happier.
And this is important experience of life- I know people who never experienced such tragic aspects of life are... they wont understand beauty, touchiness and respect for life. What not killed us, it will make us stronger. (i think we could rescue them, if we would know much earlier that she is really pregnant and vet at mountain did mistake telling us he is absolutely sure she is not pregnant o_o. but its already done and thats a lesson for us)

(And short about puppies- were six babies (half males and half females) two ginger, two white-creme and two black.)

And again, please have wonderful New Year and if even if you meet tragic experiences it will make you stronger and better. ><

If you are interested what happen with puppies, please see my journal: [link]